


why don't you run from me?

by uwuxuxi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dreams, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Murder, This is just sad okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29507748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwuxuxi/pseuds/uwuxuxi
Summary: Johnny comes home late. Too late sometimes and often late enough for Jaehyun to worry but Jaehyun does not call him.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 12
Kudos: 51
Collections: Challenge #5 — I heard a secret..





	why don't you run from me?

**Author's Note:**

> ...hi. this was a doozy for me to write but i hope you enjoy it!!! beta'd by my savior al and blindread by my other savior sharks. i would do nothing without them. know that.

Johnny comes home late. Too late sometimes and often late enough for Jaehyun to worry but Jaehyun does not call him.

There is blood on his collar tonight. Blood on his sleeve when he shrugs his jacket off but Johnny himself is not wounded.

Jaehyun could ask what he was doing. Where he goes after he closes his cafe and kisses Jaehyun goodbye before saying:

“Don’t wait up for me, I don’t know when I’m coming home.”

Jaehyun stays up every time.

Johnny crosses the room and cradles his face in his hands, pulling him into a warm kiss that leaves Jaehyun’s knees weak and brain fuzzy. His tongue tastes like cherry candy and Jaehyun tastes danger in him. He always has but that danger is what makes Johnny so attractive.

“Sorry I’m so late,” Johnny whispers against his lips and Jaehyun simply hums. His fingers work nimbly to unbutton his shirt, to get this blood off of his husband and throw the shirt away with all of the others. “Did you eat?”

“I did. Yours is in the oven if you want it.” Johnny shrugs out of his shirt and watches silently as Jaehyun balls the crisp white shirt up before throwing it in the trash.

He never asks questions. Simply tends to the scratches and bruises that Johnny comes home with, soaks in the tub with him, and throws his bloody clothes out. Sometimes Johnny thinks that his silence is cruel and punishment for how late Johnny comes home and Johnny’s own refusal to speak on when he comes home too late and often too bloody for his comfort.

He has every right to be upset but he never is and Johnny knows that he doesn’t deserve him. He looks down at his pants and the blood at the hem. He shucks those, too, and Jaehyun throws them out with the shirt. Again, he’s silent but Johnny heads to the shower so the stress he knows is running through Jaehyun’s body can lessen a little.

Jaehyun has not a single clue what it is that Johnny does when he’s out late at night. He doesn’t look through the bag that Johnny drops by the door, afraid of what might be hidden inside of it. Even as his husband, Jaehyun is not entitled to know every little thing that Johnny does. It’s wholly his business even if Jaehyun throws out more bloody clothes than he has any right to.

Truthfully, he doesn’t believe he should be throwing out any bloody clothes. That’s not what he signed up for when they said their vows and Johnny knows that. Whatever this _is_ , it either started happening after they got married or Johnny was simply much better at hiding it while they were dating.

Both options are unsettling.

Jaehyun doesn’t turn the news on but sits on the couch and checks Twitter, foot bouncing a little. He doesn’t know what he expects to find but he hopes, absently, that it’s not a dead body found in an alley somewhere. 

It doesn’t mean that Johnny did it, of course not, but it might make the situation make a little more sense. Nothing new from tonight but there is a story about a body found three days ago with its throat slit. Fear coils in Jaehyun’s gut as he keeps scrolling before he pauses and brings his phone closer to his face. The body, according to the report, helped solve a month-long investigation into a serial sexual predator.

Johnny had come home the night the body was found nearly vibrating, hands trembling but he’d held Jaehyun so close, face tucked into his neck and breathing him in.

They’d thrown that whole outfit out, too, down to Johnny’s jacket and shoes.

If— _if_ —this is what Johnny is doing in secret, then… perhaps it’s not that bad. There is a reason there, if this is Johnny, and it is a reason that Jaehyun doesn’t exactly disagree with.

Johnny comes out of the shower and Jaehyun closes Twitter to tip his head back and collects a minty kiss. It’s not like Johnny to brush his teeth before eating, but maybe he’s not too hungry. “Are you tired?” Jaehyun asks as Johnny nuzzles his cheek and gently holds his shoulders. He’s taking a moment to just settle, bring himself down from whatever high that's still crackling under his skin, and is using Jaehyun to center and ground himself. 

“Not really,” he answers but there is a slump to his shoulders and bags under his eyes. “I just want to be with you, right now.”

Jaehyun turns to lay on his back on the couch and opens his arms for Johnny to rest in. There is a bruise under Johnny’s jaw, a few just tucked under the sleeves of his t-shirt and Jaehyun wants to worry but Johnny did come home.

With blood on his clothes, but Jaehyun was starting to understand that maybe, just maybe, there were proper reasons for that. Johnny lays his head on Jaehyun’s heart and closes his eyes to lay his head to rest.

༻✦༺

When Jaehyun goes to bed, Johnny climbs from his arms carefully and goes to retrieve the bag he’d left by the front door. He brings it to his office after checking to make sure that yes, Jaehyun was actually asleep, and kneels in front of the cabinet tucked into the closet inside of it. 

He can hear Jaehyun snore and resettle in their room and waits a few seconds more before he opens the locked cabinet and sighs softly at the picture of himself and his brother tucked inside of it. Sometimes, he thinks that he’s starting to forget the little things about Mark, like his laugh and the stupid way his nose scrunched up, but every time he opens this cabinet and sees all of the pictures of him tucked inside the memories come to smack him hard in the chest.

Johnny pulls a chain bracelet out of his bag and drops it down on the shelf in front of one of his favorite pictures of Mark. He’d been wearing it when he died.

Johnny had never expected to find it again but cowards will find anything if they think it’ll keep them alive. Two charms click against the wood, a little lion and a sun just as little, and Johnny lets his shoulders slump in a short exhale.

“Sorry, Markie,” he whispers before locking the cabinet back up and leaving his study to crawl back into bed with Jaehyun. He fits perfectly in his husband’s arms and tucks his face into the comfort of his strong pulse. Sleep doesn’t come easy, hasn’t for years, but Jaehyun sleepily pulls him in closer and cradles the back of his head, and Johnny lets sleep finally take its hold.

When Johnny’s eyes open in his sleep, he’s standing up in mark’s childhood bedroom and looking down at his little brother. Mark’s quiet as he looks out of the window but he’s fingering the golden bracelet that hadn’t been present in any of the prior dreams where Johnny works through his penance for letting mark leave him that night. 

Mark doesn’t blame him.

Donghyuck might still, though. “Should I give it to him?” he asks and lets the tension leave his shoulders as Mark takes his eyes off of the window to look at him. There’s a small smile on his face and guilt and shame start to finally work out of his system. “It might be nice to have the set.”

Mark hums a little and holds the bracelet up to the golden hour sunlight filtering through the window. It was mark’s favorite time of day, which meant even if he hated what Johnny was doing that he was happy to have his bracelet back out from the hands of the people who’d taken it and his life. “It might. But he’d tell you to keep it.”

He might. He might not.

Johnny follows mark’s eyes to the picture of him, Donghyuck, Johnny, and Jaehyun and digs his nails into his palms. For a moment, the whole scene flickers and Johnny unclenches his fists to let the world resettle around him. 

He doesn’t look at his hands, which he knows are red not from the blood drawn from his nails but from the ten bodies whose lives they had taken. 

“Are you ever going to tell him where you go at night?” mark asks, soft and careful. He doesn’t want to upset Johnny, which is a little ridiculous at this point in Johnny’s life, but Mark is always like that. _Was_ always like that. 

It’s so hard to remember that when he wakes up, it won’t be to a call from his little brother. It’s been two years but it’s never gotten easier, even with all of the men who stole his little brother from him gone.

When Johnny doesn’t answer, Mark presses on. “Are you doing to stop now that you’re done?”

“No,” Johnny answers but doesn’t clarify which question. “No, I won’t.”

Johnny does not sleep well.

༻✦༺

Jaehyun has the news on when Johnny leaves their room and he tilts his head back for a kiss. Johnny gives him one, gently cradling his cheek in his hand, and turns his eyes up to the tv for a moment. Jaehyun feels him tense and playfully nips at his lower lip for his attention and to distract him from the reporter talking about the body that had been found in the early hours of that morning.

Johnny is uneasy and Jaehyun doesn’t want him to know that he might know why. If Johnny wants to unburden himself, that is on Johnny. “Do you want waffles?” Jaehyun asks instead of asking about how crazy Johnny finds the news, reaching up to cradle his face in his hands and smiling against his lips. “With blueberries?”

“Blackberries, maybe?”

Mark’s favorite. Jaehyun feels his smile falter a little but he kisses Johnny again before getting up to go into the kitchen. “Blackberries sound good, actually.”

Johnny gets the coffee started again while Jaehyun makes the waffle batter and their morning is comfortable even if Jaehyun is thinking about the clothes he’d burned in their fireplace and Johnny is thinking about how he owes Jaehyun _some_ explanation about the past year. Jaehyun is on the second waffle and Johnny is getting their mugs down when there is a harsh knock at their front door.

They stare at each other for a long moment and Jaehyun sees Johnny’s hands shaking.

Whoever is at the door might be there for Johnny. They both know that but Jaehyun flips the waffle maker all the same and makes his way to the door just as a second, more tentative but still loud, knock sounds against the wood. “one second,” he says and is glad his voice is steady as he takes a short breath and opens the door.

His stomach jumps into his throat when he sees police at their door but the detective in front of him is a familiar one. Jaehyun doesn’t smile but inclines his head in recognition at Sehun.

“Sorry to interrupt your morning, Jaehyun,” Sehun says and Jaehyun can see Johnny relax just a little out of the corner of his eye. 

Jaehyun can’t fathom why. If Sehun is going to arrest Johnny for multiple homicides, he’s going to do it regardless of all of the handholding he’d done early on in his investigation of Mark’s murder.

“It’s no problem. Can I help you with anything?” Jaehyun asks and steps slightly to the side as Johnny comes to the door with Jaehyun’s mug in hand. Jaehyun takes it and props the door open with his foot. Sehun is not invited in. He doesn’t look for an invitation, mostly because all he does when he visits their apartment is give bad news.

Sehun offers Johnny a small smile that is only kind of returned. Johnny’s hand is tight on Jaehyun’s waist but it’s not shaking so it is an improvement from a minute ago. “I have some news on your brother’s case.”

Jaehyun brow furrows. “It’s… It’s been two years, Sehun. What news could you have found now that you didn’t before?” Johnny doesn’t move to soothe him, simply looks at Sehun with the bone-deep exhaustion of a man who, Jaehyun realizes rather suddenly, has been taking the law into his own hands for what has to be over a year now. His face remains confused yet impassive and Sehun doesn’t seem to notice anything different. Good. Jaehyun lets out a breath.

“I don’t blame you for that, I deserve it at this point.” Neither of them says anything, so Sehun presses on. “But, we have found all of the gang members involved in mark’s murder.”

Jaehyun takes a long sip of his coffee as he considers Sehun’s word choice. Johnny squeezes his hip and speaks first.

“Found… Not caught?” his tone is carefully cautious and Jaehyun pulls him closer, rubbing his side in what Sehun probably thinks is comfort but is a gentle encouragement for Johnny to keep it up. This is almost over.

Sehun gives them a sad, sympathetic look, and Jaehyun’s worst fear is confirmed in that even if Sehun doesn’t know that he’s talking to the man who had systematically assassinated the men who had killed his brother. He sees two grieving brothers who had no answers for years and knows that while what he’s giving them might not be justice, it is something that might just let them sleep at night now. It’s over. “We think that their gang might have been taken out by another rival gang in the area. Methodical but messy— I’m sure you don’t want the details. And,” he tilts his chin up, gesturing to their tv which is still playing the morning news, “I’m sure you’ve actually heard too much of it already.”

Jaehyun turns to the tv and tightens his grip on the handle of his mug. “Good,” he says slowly and rests his head on Johnny’s shoulder. Johnny’s trembling again and Jaehyun wants to slam the door in Sehun’s face so he can gather his _idiot_ into his arms and let him know that it’s okay. It’s over. This is over— it might not bring mark back but it is very much over. “Are you going to investigate?”

Sehun shakes his head and takes a step back from the door, offering Johnny a sympathetic smile that Johnny can barely even attempt to return. “What’s the use? They had it coming. But I’ll leave you to it.” he turns to leave and Johnny makes to close the door before Sehun turns once again. “Donghyuck, does he still—?”

“I’ll let him know.” Johnny’s voice is surprisingly calm but his throat is bobbing and Jaehyun holds him a little tighter. “Let me tell him, Sehun.” Sehun doesn’t argue and bids them both goodbye. Jaehyun doesn’t slam the door like he wants to but closes it quietly, taking Johnny’s mug from his trembling hands and setting them both on the nearest flat surface. It’s just enough time for Johnny to sink down to the floor and dry heave but Jaehyun moves quickly, gathering him up into his arms and holding him close to his chest with Johnny’s face tucked into the nape of his neck. He hasn’t seen Johnny cry since mark’s funeral and he rocks his husband back and forth gently with his lips pressed firmly to his temple as Johnny sobs, deep and heart-wrenching.

Johnny knew that this was over when he crawled into bed with Jaehyun the night before. He knew that this was over when he climbed out of their bed and into his office. But Sehun visiting was a heady dose of reality in more ways than one.

Johnny, they both know, could have been taken away that morning. Sehun could have come as a friendly face and arrested Johnny for god only knows how many homicides.

Johnny’s mission, Johnny knows, is over. He’s gotten the revenge that he wanted but, as he suspected, the Mark-shaped-hole in his heart is still not filled. Nothing can fill it and he feels, in a way, like he’s become just as bad as the people he’s killed.

Jaehyun might not know everything but he does know that is simply not true.

“I’m sorry,” Johnny whispers against Jaehyun’s pulse, and Jaehyun strokes his hair gently. “I’m so sorry…”

That’s the thing, though. Jaehyun isn’t sure that Johnny is quite sorry for what he’s done. Does he feel unclean? Perhaps. But horrible, horrible men are off the streets— the same horrible men who had killed his brother on his way back from a convenience store late at night. Johnny does not feel apologetic about killing these men.

Jaehyun says none of this and rubs Johnny’s back in soothing circles. “I know…”

Johnny’s arms tighten around his waist and he chokes on a sob. “I should of…”

Johnny is not apologizing for what he’s done. He’s apologizing for not telling Jaehyun. For terrifying him, for putting himself into situations where he probably wouldn’t come home much like Mark couldn’t come home to Donghyuck. Johnny has probably only regretted two things in his life— one, not coming to pick mark up from the library and instead just staying on the phone with him and hearing it all end, and two, leaving Jaehyun in the dark about his search for a justice that the legal system just couldn’t give him.

“I know why you didn’t,” Jaehyun says and tilts Johnny’s face up, “and it’s okay. But if you go back out there, I want to _know_.”

“I’ll tell you,” Johnny whispers and closes his eyes against his tears.

The waffle maker beeps in the kitchen. 

Their coffee grows cold.

The waffle burns.

Donghyuck sobs on the phone and in Johnny’s arms. Jaehyun turns off the news where it still plays.


End file.
